simply me taking notes

adventures of people watching and such…

reflections…a vulnerable piece October 21, 2010

Filed under: reflections — sunflower @ 5:10 am
Tags: , , , , ,

here lately i’ve been feeling some kind of way.
tears streaming down my face,
emotions clouding my mind’s space
pacing in a room full of my thoughts
but these feelings are hard to convey
what can i say
even if i could figure it out
you would look at me with a look of dismay

so i keep to myself,a stranger to the world
i don’t want you to know i exist
for if you get too close,
you may see the damaged girl
i can make up stories to explain the scars
but these burns felt so good,
better than these never-ending internal wars

i don’t know if it is self-hatred that i have developed
or a depression that has enveloped
my mind,body and soul alike
but i want to know what it feels like to be alive
to truly live
and not just go through the motions
i can numb myself from the emotional pain
but there are words that should be spoken
if my heart remains broken, is silence still golden?

from the world, i remain disconnected
but being lonely eats at my soul
and i long to meet a woman that i can connect with
thoughts and feelings intercepted
my love is a contagious disease
and if you give me your heart,
i’ll be sure to infect it

i am on a journey of getting to know me
and in doing so, i have realized
my mind is my
worst
ENEMY
deep breaths never prepare me to see
and i’m finding it hard to believe
that the person in the mirror
is
me